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Reversing the Power of Porn

Michael Zigarelli

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Hey you. Yeah, you. Married guy surfin’ the Internet for your daily dose of porn. I’ve got a potential solution for you that doesn’t involve a twelve-step program or a public confession in front of your church. It leverages in reverse the very power that got you into this mess.

I know, I know: There are reasons that you’re where you are. Understandable reasons. The secular terrorists out there have besieged you with sexually-charged images dozens of times a day for as long as you can remember. Billboards, sports web sites, the sexy bumper sticker on that pick-up, an inbox full of spam assuring you that “barely legal ladies from Latvia are lusting for you.” You can’t even innocently read the newspaper without being tormented by bra ads. It’s a damn war every minute of the day, right? And you’re losing.

In fact, like a lot of other guys under this incessant attack, you surrendered. You gave in, first with a few mouse clicks, then in the hotels that guaranteed you that “movie titles will not appear on your bill,” and soon, if you’re not careful, with that new chica down the hall at work. Then it’s checkmate, bro. Game over.

In the meantime, things are pretty pathetic at home. Your wife just doesn’t measure up. Contrasted against all those airbrushed airheads you’ve been ogling, she’s not nearly as exciting, not nearly as attractive, not nearly as uninhibited. You really got ripped off, didn’t you?

That, my friend, is what psychologists and influence gurus call the contrast principle. It will dismantle your marriage, one dismal day at a time. It will make it impossible to ever be content with this woman God has entrusted to you.

But there’s actually a silver lining here. This contrast dynamic can work in the other direction, too. It can build a marriage as quickly as it can break one.

You’re a pretty smart guy. Connect the dots. As you’re working to get out of the habit of looking at other women, how could your roving eye work in your favor? Think about it from the perspective of this contrast principle.

You guessed it: If looking at attractive women has made your wife seem unattractive, then looking at women who are unattractive to you—and resisting to the temptation to look at others—might make your wife seem very attractive by comparison. Same wife, different benchmark. It’s just like putting a diamond against a dark background versus a bright background. Contrasted against the dark, your diamond of a wife really shines; otherwise, that diamond doesn’t look like anything special.

There have got to be some web sites out there that can help you with this. After all, there are sites for everything else. Just go to something like ugly-people-that-youd-never-want-to-bring-home.com and surf the pix till your heart’s content. I suspect you’ll have the full blessing of your wife, who, as we just said, will look like quite the hottie to you when you close your browser.

And speaking of browsing, here’s another tip: This technique works with real, live, right-before-you women as well as the cyber variety. Until you break the habit of looking, buddy, scope out what you don’t like rather than what you do. You might be surprised how quickly your home life changes.

Remember, though, that not looking at all is the ultimate goal. It’s the ideal. Jesus said so Himself. But as you pursue that ideal, consider how to use the power of contrast to your advantage. It’s destroyed your life for long enough.

 

Michael Zigarelli is an Associate Professor at Messiah College and the editor of Christianity9to5.org.